What disease?

Or I should say what diseases; and yes they do cause me dis - ease.
The thyroid disease was diagnosed first - Hashimotos Thyroid which is low thyroid or hypothyroid caused by the immune system.
I discovered I had Von Willebrand's next. It is a bleeding disorder that involves the blood clotting factor 8. Then I was told so many times I had Fibromyalgia.
Next came Sjogren's Syndrome due to the dry eyes and mouth.
Last, and I truly hope it is the last, is Polymyositis with Arthritis.
So now you know my diseases but you also know my attitude is that these conditions are not all there is to me they are only a very small part.

Are you buckling under stress?

One of many versions of The Scream, painted in 1893 by Edvard Munch


Well there is a test, or many, if you would like to try one.
The one I did is free and takes about 4 minutes and you get the results straight away and you don't give your name or sign up.

My overall emotional well-being, on a score of 1 to 5, is 3.44 which says I am stressed, almost very stressed.

The Quality of Life Score measures my satisfaction with life, including overall self-esteem, health, friends, family and work. 2.9 extremely stressed.

The Symptom Distress Score which measures my symptoms of depression, anxiety, and hostility says I am well adjusted - 4 out of 5.

The Level of Functioning scores how well I get along in the community. 3.63 which says I am very stressed.

Apparently, Behavioral Health Concepts, say I would benefit from short-term counseling with a professional counselor and that "proper rest and exercise, relaxation strategies, and religious faith" also contribute to emotional well-being.

What this all says is while I am not my disease it obviously has a big effect on my stress levels because it is the thing in this whole measuring that I can deal with but not "fix" (I have an incurable disease).

Personality Test

Today I found out how the Myers-Briggs personality test rated me. I was INFP - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving - and in good company too - J.R. Tolkien, Albert Schweitzer, Audrey Hepburn, George Orwel and William Shakespeare to name but a few fellow idealists.
INFP's try to make the world a better place, are truly interested in others,often put the needs of others above theirs, always want to be growing in a positive direction, are creative and inspirational and dislike dealing with details and routine work. The list goes on and on and also suggests careers of Writers,Counselors, Social Workers, Teachers, Psychologists, Psychiatrists, Musicians and Religious Workers.

Interestingly I have been a teacher for over 20 years and at university I studied social work, psychology and ancient indian religion. I also love writing for my blog and website.


The Myers-Briggs is a test which combines Carl Jung's ideas of personality types of Extraversion - Introversion, Sensing - Intuition, Thinking - Feeling with Isabel Briggs-Myers idea of Judging - Perceiving.
I answered the 72 yes/no questions quite quckly without much thought and got a score straight away.

PAINTING is of Shakespeare's play A Midsummer Night's Dream. It is Titled: "Oberon, Titania and Puck with Fairies Dancing" by William Blake. c.1786 from the art history archive.

You see, you cannot see.

This is not my disease - it does not belong to me - I'm not my disease

You cannot see what is going on inside my head.
You cannot see what is going on inside my body.
I see this as a plus - all good.
This way at least if you meet me in the street you will not know.
I can pretend, keep up appearances.
You see I am not my disease.

Oil on canvas by Portrait of a Blind woman by Diego Velázquez

Disease by Dean Rands

It tears me apart to say the words
To think the truth for just a second
Because then it's real - not a lie
And I'll have no choice but to forever cry

But still it's something I must face
And I must fight - win or lose
Because it's there - inside of me
Hidden in my skin - hard to see

I'm truly scared of what could be
Of what lurks beneath my skin
It may be hard for you to know
Thats because I cover it with a show...

Please read the rest of this 18 year olds poem here at a poetry community site called Poems and Quotes.
P.S. Dean. I tried to find you, even tried to register so I could get your okay but could not??? Hope it is okay?

A great lady once said:

“I have come to realize more and more that the greatest disease and the greatest suffering is to be unwanted, unloved, uncared for, to be shunned by everybody, to be just nobody" Mother Teresa( 1910 – 1997)


Mother Teresa was a Catholic nun from Albanian who founded the Missionaries of Charity in Calcutta, India in 1950. For over 45 years she ministered to the poor, sick, orphaned, and dying, while guiding the Missionaries of Charity's expansion, first throughout India and then in other countries. Following her death she was beatified by Pope John Paul II and given the title Blessed Teresa of Calcutta.

2005 Southeastern Eucharistic Congress

By the 1970s, she was internationally famed as a humanitarian and advocate for the poor and helpless, due in part to a documentary and book Something Beautiful for God by Malcolm Muggeridge. She won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979 and India's highest civilian honour, the Bharat Ratna, in 1980 for her humanitarian work. Mother Teresa's Missionaries of Charity continued to expand, and at the time of her death it was operating 610 missions in 123 countries, including hospices and homes for people with HIV/AIDS, leprosy and tuberculosis, soup kitchens, children's and family counselling programs, orphanages, and schools. More at Wikipedia

is this the way it goes?

I have not posted for a while,
often i sit and stare,
at the computer,
wondering what to say,
not knowing what it is all about anymore.

All the fight has gone out of me, all the rage.
Maybe i have turned into my disease.

Hear no evil

An illustration of one of the three semicircular canals of one inner ear and associated structures

Soon I may not be able to hear any evil - well I suppose that is putting a positive slant on it. I seem to be going deaf, well more deaf. It actually feels like the ears are blocked full of something. It's like when you are at an altitude and you need to blow your nose to unblock your ears, but this does not unblock.
Is it part of Tinnitus? One specialist said it sounded like Menieres Disease and said "but that is the least of your worries."
When people, especially my husband, are not talking in my direction I cannot hear what they are saying. I'm not sure if this is because I am lip reading and not knowing it, or because of the pitch of his voice or what?

DIAGRAM: An illustration of one of the three semicircular canals of one inner ear and associated structures from Author United States government from Wikipedia public domain

Forgot my ABC's

I went to the immunologist after about 2 years and when he asked me what medicines I was taking I could remember the names but not the amounts! I felt like I had let myself and him down. I use to carry this information in my bag at all times, then I suppose the tablets changed and I have just not updated this information.

So remember your A, B,C's ...

Are you taking any tablets and medicines?

Bring them with you to the hospital and all appointments - even follow ups.

Carry a current list in your wallet.

The reason I started carrying the list at all times was after I was suddenly admitted to hospital and the same thing happened - I could remember what I took but not some of the names or amounts. This delays treatment and makes it harder for the patient to get the proper treatment. Also I was kept in overnight and the hospital kindly made up a script for my essential medications - very professional treatment, don't you think?

PHOTO THANKS TO jgibson3825

Dear Doctor,

Re: my diagnosis

I am writing to let you know I have finally been diagnosed and I was hoping you could give me back a few years.

I have had symptoms for over 10 years and I have finally been diagnosed with polymyositis. This is an inflammatory myopathy that causes muscle weakness and muscle pain in the muscles closest to the body. It is an auto immune condition.

I was diagnosed from a muscle biopsy. I have been to so many specialists and I hope that maybe you would remember me so that if someone else comes into your office saying they have muscle pain in their arms and legs, and a feeling that their muscles won't relax and difficulty with fine motor skills and an elevated CPK, that you take the time to listen and try and work with that patient to find out what it is. For 8 years no one offered me a muscle biopsy.

Merry Christmas,
yours sincerely,
G. N.

P.S. I am not my disease (but knowing what it is has helped me greatly)


TO: the endocrinologist, the pain specialist (who said it was fibromyalgia), the psychologist (that said I had cognitive defects and referred me to the immunologist), the neurologist (who gave up after finding out it was not MS) and the rheumatologist (who diagnosed and treated me for 2 years as having Sjogren's syndrome).

PHOTO BY bwavobunny