Listening to books - not drowning

I am not sinking in a sea of self pity ( let go of reading, beloved reading, wonderful books) I am listening to wonderful audio books. I am not drowning in despair ( I cannot tell a lie, I did for just a little while) My eyes no longer working as they once did have allowed me to listen. I am rejoicing in audio books - there is a wealth of them out there - and you can listen to them at any time you have a CD player. I am so happy I have found the audio book. ( tinnitus does not stop you hearing)

I have chosen a selection of audio books to sell if you too are interested in listening.

Hosting the Disability Carnival

This is a first for me - hosting the carnival of bloggers. Oh I have joined in once or twice, but never played host.

This carnival is all about first.

I wanted to make this easy to join in. We are such a diverse group. What we all have in common is blogging so I would love everyone to connect in this Disability Carnival with their first blog post. (ordinal number 1: coming before all others in time or order; earliest; 1st: the first post on your site)

If you don't find this appealing then please pick a first to write about from the definitions below:

• 'first things first'
  important matters should be dealt with before other things: I suggest we get our priorities right—first things first
• 'from the (very) first'
  from the beginning: she realized it from the first
• 'at first - at the beginning'
  in the initial stage or stages: at first Hugo tried to be calm
• 'first and last' everything considered; above all else; altogether: First and last, it is important to know oneself
• Synonyms of first: earliest, foremost, inaugural, initial, leadoff, maiden, original, pioneer, premier, virgin

So if this is your inaugural attempt to join in the Disability Carnival what do you do?

Just post here, in comments, the link to your first post ever or the post you have written about first. In your post please link back to here. Let everyone know you are joining in. Thanks. The closing date will be March 10.

Random Thoughts

“He who conceals his disease cannot expect to be cured”

Ethiopian Proverb

Invisible disability

Sometimes it is hard living with an invisible disability. Only my specialists understand and actually call it a disability. I have no walking stick or wheelchair, I have no limp or twitch and to all I look well and fit and maybe just a bit overweight. The receptionist at the physio department does not get it, my kids don't get it and my husband does not get it. Even other people with disabilities do not get it as to join this months disability carnival I was expected to talk about my fave ""things that make the world accessible for us."
I guess the only thing I can say is ramps and lifts, at least they are the only things that make my world more accessible. You see I can walk (though not the same as before and I can no longer dance or get down on the floor with my grandchildren) but if I walk too far or up steps the next day I have to lie horizontal. I have a muscle disorder, a form of muscular distrophy that means all my muscles are extremely weak (some more than others).
I also think my main fave thing of accessibilty is my new laptop as I could no longer sit up at the computer due to muscle pain in my neck and shoulders and jaw. With the laptop I can lie down and connect with others all around the blogosphere and they cannot see me and do not know I am lying down and am in constant pain all over. This is how I become Not My Disease on a daily basis.
Here are the links to the Disability Blog Carnival:
Rolling Around In My Head
Disability Blog Carnival #80 is up NOW!

Wipe the slate clean

YEAH! It's a NEW YEAR!

What would you do if you had no pain or health concerns, no money constrictions?
Think for a moment...
What do you really want to do?

AHHH! I've turned into my grandmother!

I wake up every morning and the first thing on my mind is a cup of tea.
I walk down stairs, get out my painkillers and make a delicious cuppa.

When I was a child and I stayed over at my grandmother's house, I use to think it was peculiar that anyone would get up and take painkillers before the day even started.

As a child I had no concept that pain was something that you could awake with every day. I had no concept that there were conditions that caused you to be in pain. I wish I had asked my grandma why she took them so I would know what pain it was? I often wonder, as I take my painkillers every morning, if she had the same pains as me?

Tinnitus embarrassing teens

I'm not much fun at parties

Apparently I talk really loud at parties according to my teenagers. That is caused by the constant ringing in my ears. (It is really embarrassing to teenagers who don't give a damn that you have tinnitus or that they may get it soon if they keep listening to loud music on earpieces)
Standing at parties, in the festive season, increases my pain. You are not a very good party guest if you are in pain.

Sitting for too long at parties makes me really stiff and I cannot get up out of the chair. This is not a good look in one so young; it seems to be accepted in frail 80 year olds but not young robust people.
I end up being the kitchen staff as constant doing and moving works best for my body. If I join in a conversation it is not very long before the pain makes me need to move on and I look quite rude and uninterested.
I use to love to dance at parties but now know that if I do my pain will be extremely bad for 3 days after.
I and many others in pain, may be the one offering you the hors d'oeuvres, making a pleasant comment and moving on. But only if the plate is not too heavy!

I started this blog back in April 2007 when I did not know the full extent of what was wrong with my body. I was searching and angry. So what has changed??
I am rushing out the door to do a hundred things for Christmas but will be thinking about this so I can post it here. In the meantime I hope your Christmas is not too hectic and you get to share the love.

Disability Blog Carnival #77 is up NOW!

The question is who inspired you?

in·spire 
1. to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence: His courage inspired his followers.
2. to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.): to inspire confidence in others.
3. to influence or impel: Competition inspired her to greater efforts.
4. to animate, as an influence, feeling, thought, or the like, does: They were inspired by a belief in a better future.

I am inspired by that person who is worse off than me and who just picks themselves up and gets on with it. The homeless guy selling 'The Big Issue' Magazine on the street corner in Sydney, Mahatma Gandhi who stuck to his ideals even when imprisoned, those who endured physical and mental and spiritual hardship like those at the concentration camps of Auschwitz. I suppose the theme here could be perserverance through adversity. 'Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.' Dennis P. Kimbro

Psychiatrists believe that Who inspires you most suggests not only what you are able to acknowledge within yourself, but also the scope of vision you hold as possible in your own life. From an article by Matt Laughlin.
I suppose the people who inspire me encourage me to perservere and carry on because I realize the difficulties that people endured are much more severe than the physical grumblings of my body.
Disability Studies, Temple U.: Disability Blog Carnival #77 is up NOW!

Coping with disease

Most people would not cope with what I cope with on a daily level. They attend the doctor for a sore ... (Fillin the blank). I am sore all over. My stomach does not ache but that is about the only part. My breasts do not ache but the muscles above them do. Occassionally I feel the anger about my situation bubble to the surface but what does that achieve? I already attend every kind of doctor known to man and have searched for many years for help. I mostly accept this is my lot. It is a sad kind of acceptance.