We are all made up of many parts

Coping with disease

Most people would not cope with what I cope with on a daily level. They attend the doctor for a sore ... (Fillin the blank). I am sore all over. My stomach does not ache but that is about the only part. My breasts do not ache but the muscles above them do. Occassionally I feel the anger about my situation bubble to the surface but what does that achieve? I already attend every kind of doctor known to man and have searched for many years for help. I mostly accept this is my lot. It is a sad kind of acceptance.

I am a work in progress

(Grieving for the loss of who I was.)

The 5 stages of grief

DENIAL: At this stage I am unwilling to accept the truth. "I will soon awaken and it will all have been a dream - this is not happening to me - I can still dance, do my work, chase my children."

ANGER: I feel angry and may need to opportion blame. "Why me?" (in an angry voice) "It is there fault, they did .... , it made me stressed and that made me sick"

BARGAINING: "Maybe this will work. If I try this diet, remedy, religion etc and I will feel better and maybe it might even go away"

DEPRESSION: "I feel I cannot cope, there is no hope, it is all too much, there is no one who cares and no way out"

ACCEPTANCE: "I don't like what is happening but I have some level of acceptance - I can get on with my new life, it is a different life and I can cope."

I don't hold to the idea that we work through these stages in a linear way. I go back and repeat some of the stages sometimes on a daily level. That is what it is like for me dealing with chronic pain.

I think when I started this blog I may have been in angry denial - this is not my disease, take it away, I do not want it. It sounds like it could also be acceptance - that I do have a disease but it will not define me.

We are all a work in progress.

Thankyou jackiee1970 for photo

Oh Night Divine

Can you remember the feeling of waking in the morning after a good night's sleep and feeling so good - you feel rested and have not a pain in your body. Well that is a very rare feeling for me and hundred's of others who suffer from chronic undiagnosed pain.
Better sleep is not about getting a better mattress, no matter what the salesman or The Better Sleep Council brochure will tell you. It also says on the brochure that a good night's sleep is essential for your mental health, your emotional health and your physical health and "If you think you are suffering from a serious sleep problem, such as insomnia, sleep apnea, narcolepsy or restless leg syndrome, consult your doctor or a sleep specialist" It does not tell you that your doctor may just add these symptoms/conditions to your already large list of symptoms and do nothing about it. If you think I'm angry, I am. I just want a good night's sleep...well that's a start anyway.
Apparently what I have is not life threatening - according to my doctors - I have no liver problem, no heart problem, no kidney damage (all the pain killers may have something to say about that soon!) so just give me something to manage the pain.
But I digress - the pain specialist - who is treating me as if I have fibromyalgia, as no other diagnosis has been offered, says all my symptoms may just be due to sleep deprivation. So did any one order a sleep study??? No one ever checked for tender points either!
See previous post 'Go To Sleep' Tuesday, May 1, 2007
I am not my disease - I have a life. (but it is getting smaller) Oh Sleep Divine.