Thursday, November 3, 2011

I'm not alright

Sometimes I get so sick of pretending that everything is alright.
How are you? Good, good, How are you? Good thanks!
Well guess what I am not good. I am in constant pain and living on pain killers and still I feel pain and sometimes I can't even walk up the stairs and my hips ache all the time and the muscles in my upper arm are swollen, my eyes are dry and my tongue is burning, I drop things, I can't chop the veges without difficulty and everything seems like a struggle but I go on pretending that everything is alright.

Why? Because people do not want to know.
Who am I pretending for? My family, especially my kids and my mother.
Hi, how are you? Fine thanks for asking.


Peace Be With You said...

This made me think of a poem I wrote a couple years ago about how I feel when people ask me if I'm feeling better:

At a loss for words
when someone asks how I am
When? At one? At six?

They don’t realize
MS, a quick-change artist,
Loves fresh, new costumes.

So I nod and smile
grateful they care to ask me
if I feel better.

I mostly just say I'm fine. People don't really want to know.


Displaced said...

Are we ever on the same page with this! I HATE to lie but I don't want to be a whinger, I don't want to talk about it all the time, I don't want to monopolize the first five minutes of every conversation I have with a run down of my private chronic health issues... I have a tendency to say "fine if you don't ask for details" and laugh. Just lately I have been trying out saying "shitty but it's boring so let's not go there". I am still working on coming up with others. In the last couple of months I have been going through an acceptance phase and I know that I need to let people know that I'm not fine... not strangers, but friends and family and it is really HARD!!!
I love your blog and will subscribe. It is wonderful to connect with another Aussie!